Polyamory is amazing, it is complex, it’s easy, and it’s hard. Polyamory is a form of ethical non-monogamy that requires the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. There are many ways to practice poly. How it’s done will vary with every poly person that you meet. Polyamory is not cheating or having a piece on the side. Many people choose to label themselves as poly because it gives space for relationships to develop freely and be about more than sex. Polyamorous people often desire fully committed loving relationships. Its not all about the sex…unless you want it to be.
Why So Poly?
For a lot of people (myself included) poly is not a choice but more of an orientation. It is an integral part of who we are as people. For others, polyamory is a lifestyle choice based on the acknowledgement of how unrealistic societal norms are about finding one person to be everything for you and complete you.
My Lover Is Poly, What Now?
Now is the time to evaluate yourself and your relationship. It can be very hurtful for your partner to tell you that they aren’t or don’t want to be monogamous anymore. Both of you should take this time to acknowledge the strength of the other. Pat yourself on the back, most people wouldve run at the first mention of bringing other people into their relationship and thrown cheating accusations but you’re here doing the research. Thank your partner also, it would have been easier to bottle their feelings, lie, or cheat. But instead they came to you and made themselves very vulnerable in an attempt to communicate their needs.
How Successful Are Poly Relationships?
Poly Relationships can be very successful. When done correctly polyamory can bring joy, new friends, and an abundance of love into your life. The key to being successful is partner selection. If your partner is jealous, possessive, and unwilling to unlearn traditional beliefs about love then poly may not work for them. Keep an open mind and be willing to make changes as needed. At its core poly relationships are just like monogamous ones, just with more people, a lot more communication, and google calendar.
So You Think You Can Poly?
If you’ve gotten this far and you think you might be or want to try poly then the next step is to talk to your partner. Be prepared for the worst. If you haven’t hinted about open relationships before then your partner may feel blindsided, hurt, and distrustful. It is important to be honest and reassure them that you love them. The journey ahead of you will be hard and you may want to get as much help as possible. I offer counseling for couples transitioning to new relationship styles where I can help you and your partner avoid the poly relationship landmines.
Need Professional Advice?
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